Life in America

9 months so far. Its been a whirlwind of craziness so far. In one short year, I have learnt more than I have in maybe 2 years. I have gone from taking undergrad classes to advancing to candidacy. Despite everything good, I am feeling the despair. Just a disconnect between being not here and not there. Plus the constant stress of having more and more things to do.

2011

2011. It was a glorious year.

Thank you friends for standing by me. For those who pushed me into dark places, thank you, without these struggles I would never have seen the silver linings, the growth and the understanding of myself. Thank you, the friends who helped me out of those dark places, coz I grew stronger with your strength and encouragement. For old ones always lingering, for new ones fresh to discover. For those who disappeared, I miss you guys. For all the love I have known from everyone thank you.

Thank you 2011 for the old dreams broken and new dreams formed. For setbacks and progress, for failures and successes. For the growth and development, for revelations and understanding. The mistakes, big and small, the lessons, numerous and priceless. The teachers, patience and discipline, who taught me much about waiting for the right timing and never to rush and take short cuts. Because things are better done with thought and reason.

My family, every of them whom I love dearly, thank you for supporting my random endeavors, for tolerating my seemingly childish whims and still getting my back. Thank you for being there, the constants I can run to in time of need.

And God, for holding out His merciful hand and telling me that Hes got me the entire way. To tell me that 2011 is just part of the journey and fulfilling many promises and promising many many more. For guiding me along and reaching out for me no matter how I have strayed. For being my Rock, my Prince of Peace, my Strength, my Comfort, my Shelter and Shield. Thank you God for bringing me through another year, another glorious year. For bring me into 2012 where I know that You will continue to fulfil your promises and bring me through 2012. Cheers!

Being Green

It’s not easy bein’ green, it seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things

And people tend to pass you over ’cause you’re

Not standin’ out like flashy sparkles on the water, or stars in the sky

But green is the color of Spring, and green can be cool and friendly-like

And green can be big like an ocean, or important like a mountain, or tall like a tree

Green defined us for a while, I’d like to think it STILL defines us as a team. And yeah its difficult being green, but it’s beautiful, and I think it’s what I want to be. =)

HK 2011

4 months after my stress injury I found myself in another tourney again. This time playing for the awesome Taiwan crew. Really awesome times. It was interesting, seems like with my injury and my loss in ability to move, I developed more acute awareness of the field and how to move, plus better timing. In that sense, I’ve gotten better. This month, I regained my ability to move. My agility is back up, my speed is almost back to where it was. And stamina wise, doing not too bad. And I want the disc more now. You don’t know how much you miss disc until its been robbed and taken away from you. Every chance I get to play now, is one valued and cherished opportunity. I am more convinced than ever that Ultimate is one of my great loves and as long as I have it in my life I will be fine.

Meanwhile, 2 more tournaments till the end of the season/year. And these last 2 will be a struggle as I don’t have any practice to attend. But my desire to move up is burning brighter than ever. I have had good performances in 4 out of last 5 tournaments and I hope to make it even better for the last two. The odds are against me but I will push through somehow. Its a challenge to be taken and conquered, another brick wall to climb over and demolish when I reach the dynamite on the other side. The aims have gotten higher and theres no stopping now!

Sometimes I wonder

Where I’ve been

Who I am, do I fit in?

Make-believing is hard alone

Out here, on my own

I guess I expected something like this to happen. But the emotional hit is more than what I expected. All I have worked for this season, the swimming, the gym, the desire, the tears. All over. Might be easy for some, to let go after all the turmoil that has happened. But its an intrinsic part of my life. Yes even all the shitty bits there is. All the bullying, all the doubt and mistrust. Maybe I am just a sucker for all the abuse, but that team, meant something to me. Something more than just showing up on Tuesdays and Saturdays. What estrangement I feel is not deep enough to plough that furrow to separate myself from this team. But seems like I am too much of an outsider, an outlier, an abnormality. And I made a transgressions with my decisions. So indeed my season this year is fertig, fine, finished with freakshow, just as it was beginning. What comes next season, I do not know. Maybe I won’t be invited back. Maybe this exile is forever, who knows. Just sad to know, no matter how much I slog for this team, intangibles are keeping me away, never really integrated. And I guess I would have to live with that.

Thanks God!

Think God is trying to tell me to hang in there.

Cos this is what He said just when I was getting sick of dairy products:

As newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the Word, that you may grow thereby. —1 Peter 2:2

 

Well. Thanks God. Gotcha!

Social Media is destroying my social life!

How ironic. something meant to connect people is killing my life. There are just some things you DON’T post online. Sorry but I am not interested in your public fights with your future sister-in-law. Neither am I interested in your very PDA. I miss the days where I actually text you to find out how you are. Or meet up, or call you. Saying hi on my wall doesn’t mean anything. And do you really want to say happy birthday to whoever is listed on FB? I mean, yeah its a convenient reminder. but do you actually mean it? PLEUZE.

Don’t hide behind the screen and pretend to connect to people. Screw that. If you wanna say something, say it in my face yo!

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