The Loss

The final battle was lost.

The few months leading up to it. Struggle, fight, coerce, plead. All that to sustain something that everyone lost hope in. I gave up everything I myself wanted in Ultimate for it. All my selfish wishes and hopes I abandoned, gave it my all, in my incompetence, try and do things right. I thought I could make a difference.

I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. First the whole fiasco with Sports Club. Just like totally messed what could have been our chance for a big break. To bring Ultimate to the school, and get a new club started.

Trying to look beyond that, and focus on IVP. But in the end, we just weren’t good enough. Why? We had all the superstars in Singapore Ultimate. Still we failed to bring the championship back. The gleaming trophy was there. On the table, within reach. But nope, not enough effort. I guess everything done could not match up to what the other teams did.

I never wanted it that much. Until yesterday. When we won against SIM. I thought wow we COULD go the whole way. The championship was just one game away. And I could have looked back and said well, I am glad I did everything I did, coz we got something. At that point in time, I really wanted it. It could have paid off for all the effort I and the rest put into the team. But no. When crunch time came, we just couldn’t put our act together.

I am sorry guys. For the times I gave you lousy trainings. For screaming at you guys. For messing up adminstration. For not being able to teach you guys more stuff. For being an idiot.

My best effort just plain wasn’t good enough. All my time, sweat, tears, sacrifice wasn’t enough.

Sigh.

I shouldn’t have taken that job in the 1st place. It was foolish of me to think that I could do it.

Passions’ faded.

When it all falls down, passion can only bring you that far. The strength, the will, the perseverance, will all be nothing.

And you look back with that lingering flickering passion, only to say, its over, and give up.

Its been like that for a while, quite a while.

Its time to step back, and see if I can find that 1st love again.

Just a few days more to go. Hang on. Hanging on.

Secret allegiances

I am really immensely proud of AC Ultimate.

Reminder

One must remind oneself. That God is good, all the time.

Its too easy to just stop and question why. Instead of focusing on the good that will come out of it.

Remind me please.

Anchovy sauce anyone?

Its always amusing when your lecturer shows you a picture of an a aspiration of a liver abscess and says, ” Look at the anchovy sauce! Lovely! I love anchovy sauce”

Liver abscess anyone? Served in a savory tangy anchovy sauce.

Reasons

I only drink for 2 reasons, coz I am happy, or coz I am depressed.

Unfortunately its the latter.

Screw the high and mighty, others before self mentality. I am not happy anymore. And people just jeer at my efforts. Its not worth it anymore. Screw principles and altruisticness. Everything is going be for me. Nothing else matters, as long as I myself is happy any satisfied. All other people can go do their own stuff.

Sorry NUS Ultimate. I have to leave. I either leave NUS Ultimate and go for Freakshow, or leave Ultimate forever. Given the choices, I really choose the former. Sorry. After IVP, its so long farewell, auf wiedersehen, good bye.

Late nights…

… usually put strange random thoughts into my head.

In 5 hrs time, league finals will start. Time to kick arse!

It might also be the last time people see me play in a while. Might. Who knows. Siesta sounds super.

And the report? Still languishing somewhere in the introduction. No fear, it will be finished.

Tomorrow might be the day I actually finish my 1l bottle of rum. Cheers!

Refreshed and recharged….

…. NOT. 

Still no push to study or do work. And quite tired of everything. 

*yawn*

I want an extended vacation.

I need a physio!

I need a physio friend. Someone who will give me treatment for free! Coz I am accident prone. =( 

 

Todays injury consists of a chronically sprained thumb. Any rotational force on it now, causes pain. Help! IVP in 2 weeks. Can’t sprain again. =( 

Shall go see the UHWC physio after the 23rd of March.

The last time

The last time I…

…took a plane: 7th March

…wrote a email to someone who I really need to write emails to: 21st Feb, to European pals whom I miss lots. 

…played with snow: Early June 2008, on the mountains in Tirol. 

…had a nice talk with someone: Sometime in January? Too long ago =( 

…had nice ice cream: 7th March, on the plane, Vanilla haagen daz ice cream. 

…was absolutely stress free: July, European travels. 

…had a good night’s sleep: I really can’t remember this. I never get enough sleep. Period. 

…rode a bicycle: Sometime late last September. I miss my pink bike in Innsbruck. 

…watched a movie: Bride wars. Before CNY. Chick flicks are not worth the money. =( 

…missed someone: Just a sec ago. The world is too big. 

…played Ultimate: 2 Saturdays before, at training. 

…enjoyed playing Ultimate: Truthfully? Austria Championships 2008, in Graz. Playing with Gazongas, the Innsbruck Flying Circus women’s team. 

…watched a sunset: Probably at one of the beach pickups, which means, at least quite some time ago. 

…stared at the stars: after 1st day of play at the Austrian Championships, I sat outside our hut, hugging my pillow, staring at the incredibly clear sky with all its stars. 

…read a book: Can’t remember my last reading day. Just too busy in lab out of lab, in school, training. 

…did a list: Just finished one. 

Its 8 months since I left Europe and I am still emo nemo. 

Topsy turvy, thats the way things are now. 

But… 

The Lord has promised good to me

His word my hope secures

He will my shield and portion be

As long as life endures